This blog was inspired by Girls (the TV show, not random girls). If you’ve never watched it, please do. It’s very honest. So honest that you’re likely to see some things you probably/definitely don’t want to see, depending on your tastes. The lead character Hannah is played by 27 year old Lena Dunham, who is also the creator, writer and director of the show.
After watching a few episodes of the show, I felt pity for Dunham’s character. Although seemingly talented, she just didn’t have much going for her. No job, no stability, no plans, and struggling with her self-professed hate of being 13 pounds overweight. Where is her life heading…?
Here’s a thought: is it really so bad not to have plans? As unreliable as planning not to plan is, it’s almost sort of comforting. I’m sure there is much less room for disappointment. After all, when you don’t expect anything, whatever comes your way will surprise you and leave you feeling grateful. Quite the opposite to when you do have plans; when they don’t work out, or you get something of lesser value, you don’t appreciate what you’ve achieved to the level that you should.
But, as nice as this idea of just rolling along with life sounds, not having goals to work towards sounds daunting for one who loves to plan. Well, it not only sounds daunting, but it is daunting. I would know, for I am currently in the situation I am speaking of. I have plans for the short term, but what do I want in the long term? I’m not talking about making some freako ten-year plan that involves setting out every career and personal objective I have, but it would be nice to know the general direction in which I am heading. Upon writing that, I think I’m a little silly, I feel like I shouldn’t care as much as I do. Maybe somebody should call me a wambulance (Lily, I love you – go sit in a corner if you’ve never watched Modern Family), little 19 year old doesn’t know what to do with her life.
But on the other hand, next thing I know it’ll be five more years down the track- what if I’m still lost?
Let me start here. From a young age, writing was what I wanted to do. Writing, writing, writing. I lost faith in myself when I stopped performing well (by well I mean I went from A’s to B’s) in English at school – lame, right? I kind of feel like one teacher had way too big an impact on my whole life. And yes, I know how dramaqueen-y that sounds. Anyway, after that happened, I turned my focus to what I was really good at. That worked out well, so I followed on to study (and am still studying) Commerce at University. Although my course has its moments, it’s mostly rather dry. However, you will hear this from most of the accounting/finance majors – we can only hope that it will get better in the future once we stop studying and start doing!
What really gets me, is wondering whether it’s all worth it. Is it worth doing something you’re not passionate about, just because you’re good at it? To anyone else I would say no, it’s not, do what you love, because no matter how good or poor you are at it, you will find fulfillment. But why is it always so much harder to follow your own advice? I think the answer is because it is downright petrifying and risky as hell. I’m a risk-averse person. Maybe that makes me boring, but maybe I also know that this fear is not ill conceived? How many journalists, authors and writers really make it? How many of them end up at the local paper or writing for K Zone? As rhetorical as those sounded, they are genuine questions that I don’t actually know the answers to. But, I feel like to succeed as a writer you really need to be the best of the best. And there can only be so many of them.
One day in year 10, our year level had a career day at school. One of the guest speakers said that she changed careers every few years because she got bored and wanted to try something new. She had been everything from a musician to a zoologist. I remember thinking at the time that she was a lunatic. Now I feel bad, because maybe she was just like me – trying to find that one thing in life that really makes her tick. That, or she had a bad case of career bipolar.
So, in short, this blog will be an attempt at giving myself a creative outlet – maybe writing is what makes me tick? Or maybe it’s accounting, and I just don’t know it yet.
Yours,
H.
PS: Gosh that was long. But you can’t say I didn’t warn you about the meandering.
The Girl 